Black Hole

BLACK HOLE BANK 2

Ted Moller had finally worked his way up to the ATM machine at his bank. He had a few things to say to the machine so he was glad he was the last in line.

As he stepped inside the small enclosure, he patted the ATM gently. "Good evening, Clarissa," he told her. Ted always named the important inanimate objects and gave them gender. That way he could converse with them on a human level, which was good since he had few human friends to talk to. "You know I'm going to be 50 years old the 24^th of this month, April," he told her, then continued, "I'm only a janitor and my relatives all think they should send me money on my birthday. Since my folks died, my aunts and uncles…let'see there's, Uncles Elmer and Henry and Aunts Matilda and Helen…well, anyway, since Ma no longer reminds them of the date, they send me checks any time during April. A few days ago, I gave you Uncle Elmer's check and you gave me back my bank card but no deposit slip. I went in the bank to talk to the bank manager who turned me over to a nice looking lady of color like me, who checked and found just a piece of my check. She said the bank was sorry and wondered if Uncle Elmer could write a new check. I was sure he could but, when I got my pay check yesterday, I came inside to deposit it just to be sure. The same lady saw me. When I told her why I was there, she said that she was sure you would never do that again, so, here I am with Aunt Matilda's check. Please don't eat this one."

He had put in his bank card and punched his pin number then the Savings Account button and slid the check into the slot. He wasn't sure, but thought he heard an "Ummm" like someone swallowing a delicious morsel of food. When his card came back without a deposit slip he shouted, "Clarissa, you did it again.."

"Hey you," a man shouted. " What are you doing? Having a romance with the damn ATM? The wind is getting cold. Besides, some of the rest of us would like to get our turn." Ted hadn't realized that there were some new people in the line.

"Sorry." He apologized. " Didn't realize you were there. She ate my check again. Must be a black hole bank in there. Now I'll have to go in the bank and get it straightened out."

"Did you hear that? SHE ate his check. Wouldn't you know? There's a WOMAN in a Black Hole in there." Only the men in line laughed. The woman next to the man hit him with her purse.

Ted hurried to get inside the bank where he sought out the woman who had helped him before.

"Ah, Mr. Moler. Good to see you again. I hope all is well with you."

She did seem glad to see him, Ted thought. Maybe he shouldn't tell her.

The woman saw his hesitation. "Don't tell me Clarissa is acting up again."

Ted forgot he had told her about the name. Actually, she had told him she thought it was a nice thing to do. "I'm afraid so, she did it again," he answered. "This time it was Aunt Matilda's check. You won't believe this but it sounded like she enjoyed the taste of it."

The woman opened her eyes wide, saying, "We're going to have to have someone check her over, Ted."

He really liked the warm feeling he got when she said his given name out loud. "That's all right," he said. "I'm sure Aunt Matilda will write another check. I'll try Clarissa when I get another birthday check. Maybe I'll see you again soon."

The woman smiled. "That would be….nice."

Ted left the bank with the biggest smile he could remember ever having. It lasted all the way home on the bus and until he got to his 2^nd floor apartment and saw his neighbor standing in the hall, waiting for him. Ted was trying to think up a new way to tell his neighbor that he didn't have an extra bottle of beer for him when the neighbor reached into Ted's mailbox and pulled out the contents.

"Here you are. No charge unless you can spare a bottle of beer." The man had been looking at the mail in his hand before he offered it to Harry. "Mostly junk but one is from a Henry Moller. Might be important."

Ted's Mother had taught him to always be polite but the neighbor had put an end to Ted's politeness, when he pulled the mail out of the box. He shook the mail in the neighbor's face. "Uncle Sam takes a dim view of somebody stealing mail. And, NO, I don't have any beer for you." He unlocked his door, went in and slammed the door in the man's face.

Ted heard the man shouting, "Drink all your beer yourself you no good…" The rest of the speech was lost as the neighbor slammed his own door.

The smile returned to Ted's face as the vision of the nice woman at the bank came to him. "I'll have a beer and celebrate," he said as he approached the refrigerator. "OK, Eddie, lets see if you do have a beer. I met this nice lady at the bank today. It's the second time I had to get her help and, if that's a birthday check from Uncle Henry in the mail, I might have to see her again tomorrow. That is if Clarissa cooperates. I told you about her and what she did to me. If she does it again tomorrow, I'll have to go into the bank again."

Ted drank his beer and caught a baseball game on TV. Uncle Henry's check had been for his birthday,so, Ted went to bed and dreamed of the lovely lady of color at the bank.

The next day, at work, time seemed to stand still but closing time finally came. As Ted was making his way to the bank, he felt like someone was following him. Looking around, he saw no one and decided it was his imagination. At the bank, he was glad to be last in line, He had a few things to say to Clarissa and he wanted some privacy.

When the person in front of him had finished, Ted stepped into the small enclosure and gave the ATM a friendly pat. "Good afternoon, Clarissa," he told her Hope you're feeling better after eating my check yesterday." Ted put in his pin number and the deposit slip and Uncle Henry's check.

When he heard a female voice say, "I'm fine Ted. I hope you know how much your visits mean to me."

Ted looked around and saw no one. "It's me, silly, Clarissa"

Ted had never had one of the inanimate objects talk back to him. He was so surprised he couldn't speak.

More people had gathered in the waiting line. Someone yelled, "What are you doing, making love to that damn machine. Some of the rest of us would like to get our turn."

"Sorry," Ted told them "But…but…" He couldn't get any farther when Clarissa started to speak again.

"You are so kind that I've grown to l love you. I wanted to get your attention so I ate your checks but today, I'll give your check back and lots more so you can buy anything you want." Teds check came out first then the 20 dollar bills spewed out one after the other.

"What the…" said the first man in line. "He must have done something funny. Somebody with a cell phone, call the cops."

"No, No, please, I didn't…" Ted tried to explain. Then he heard a familiar voice yelling.

"I already called them. Sounds like their coming, neighbor. Let's see how much of your beer you can drink in a jail cell." Ted knew his neighbor had been following him to see how much trouble he could cause.

The next few minutes went so fast Ted could hardly remember what happened. He had been trying to retrieve all the bills. He was sure some of the people in line had helped themselves to a few of them. Then the police were there ordering everyone to turn over the money. One policeman took the money as evidence and the other one had handcuffed Ted and put him in the back of the police car.

He saw the lady from the bank trying to talk to the policemen but they told her she would have to come to the station to straighten it out. The next thing he remembered, he had been booked and put in a holding cell.

He didn't know how long he had been there when a cop opened the door. "Come on you, the one with the bank problem. You're being released." Ted followed him to the front of the station.

There was the lady from the bank talking to someone at the desk. When she saw him, she hurried over to tell him, "It's all right, Ted. I explained and they called the bank manager. He told them about the ATM, too."

Ted felt as though a tremendous weight had been removed from his shoulders. "Thank you, thank you," he kept repeating.

"We really apologize to you for the ATM causing so much trouble," she said.

Ted heard kindness in her every word. Then he heard himself saying something he didn't believe he could say, "But I got to meet you."

"And I got to meet you, Ted. Tell you what, I have some stew cooking in a slow cooker at home. Why don't you come home with me? We can share."

"Won't your husband mind having you bring a strange man home with you?" Ted asked.

She smiled at him. "Never got around to getting married, Ted. Just like you."

Ted returned her smile, with dividends. "You seem to know a lot about me but I don't even know your name."

She patted his cheek. "I thought you knew, Ted. I'm Clarissa."

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