A "PG" Santa Story

THE FLU BEFORE HE FLEW

A "PG" Santa  Story

Joyce Peterson

When Santa came in from the Workshop, he was his usual Jolly Old Self.  The toys were all packed and almost ready to go and it was only the day before Christmas Eve.  However, when he tried to tell Merry, his wife, the good news, her only response was "Hummph," as she turned away and tended to the food on the stove.

This was so unusual for Merry that Santa had to ask, " Something wrong, sweetheart?" as he reached out a finger to get a taste of the food she was stirring.                    

Mary slapped his hand with the spoon.  "You know what's wrong.  I had to go to the Doctor today."

Santa laughed.  "Do we have another elf on the way?  The others will be glad to hear that.  We can always use more help."

Mary turned around to face him.  Poking at her gray hair and with her chin out, she exclaimed, "Do you think that would be possible at this point in my life?"  She asked.

He tried to kiss her on the cheek but she ducked away.  He laughed.  "I can only hope," he told her. 

"I guess you hope that you won't get the flu, too," she taunted him.

Santa's face turned even redder than it was naturally.  "Oh, you went to that doctor,"  he said.

"Yes," Mary answered, "That doctor.  The one whose receptionist told me that you didn't come in for the flu shot I scheduled for you."

Santa looked at her with an unspoken apology written on his face.  He had forgotten.

Santa brightened as he remembered.  "I forgot to get one last year, but I was fine.  You know I didn't even have a sneeze.  I'll be Ok.  I think the flu bug knows I can't be sick this time of year," he pronounced, as he held his crossed fingers up for her to see.

Mary repeated the "Hummph," then added, "That was last year.  This is this year.  You could still go in and get that shot today, "she suggested, knowing what his answer would be.

"There's still too much to do before tomorrow night, besides, I feel fine." he told her as he tried to swallow a sneeze.  The action wasn't wasted on her.

"You're afraid of getting that shot, aren't you?

"I have to eat a million cookies and drink a million glasses of milk every year , why should I be afraid of  a little flu shot?" He asked her.

She patted his stomach.  "And every cookie shows.  But what would you do if you did get the flu?  Maybe you should train some of the elves."

Santa stroked his chin in thought before he answered, laughing, "Well, I could ask the Rabbi.  He's a good friend who is always willing to do me a favor."

Mary laughed with him, saying, "You know what he would do, he'd tell them he didn't believe   in Christmas.  They'd have to wait until next year.  So, it has to be you."  She felt his head as he held back another sneeze.  Running to the cabinet, she came back with a thermometer,  stuck it in his mouth and slapped his hand when he tried to pull it out.  When she finally extracted it, she sighed.  "Just as I thought, 99.5."  She went back to the cabinet,   came back with a handful of white cloths with strings and handed them to him.

"What am I supposed to do with that?" He asked.

Mary pulled one out and tied it around his nose and mouth.  "When I found out you didn't get your flu shot, I came home prepared.  These are surgical masks.  We can't have you infecting all those sweet little children or having any of them to get the flu to spoil their Christmas.  We both know that."

"I'll wear the mask all the way, but I don't think that a temperature of 99.5 is a flu temperature.   Probably  just a cold." When she frowned at him, he promised,  as he started out, " I'll practice with the mask as I'm helping the elves finish packing the toys."

"Good idea, "Mary called after him.                                                                                                                        I

When Santa  entered the  workshop, the elves all gathered in the corner.  One of the bravest said, "Why are you going to rob us, Santa?  Don't you like us or the children anymore?"

Santa sighed.  He usually looked forward to delivering presents.  Tonight he wasn't so sure.
****************

When he went to check on the reindeer, the first thing he saw was Rudolph's red nose.  He thought he'd better try to hide it before Merry  saw it. She might think Rudolph was coming down with reindeer flu.  Santa knew that Merry had seen the red nose before, but with the mood she was in today, he'd better not take a chance.  Finding  some string, he tied it to the other strings and fitted the surgical mask to  Rudolph's nose when he heard the  familiar "Hmmph" behind him.

Merry untied the mask.  "I know Rudolph has a red nose.  Don't make him suffer because you didn't get your flu shot.  Now, try to get all the reindeer ready for that long trip tomorrow night."Yes, Ma'am," he saluted her as she adjusted his mask and left the barn.  "I always have a red nose, too," he told Rudolph.  "Just because I didn't get that darn shot.  But we have to keep Merry, merry,  don't we?"

 All the reindeer snorted their approval

When he went back to the toy shop, he checked to be sure all the new things had been included.  He sighed thinking of the days when all they had to be concerned with were little red wagons, toy trains, dolls , just real toys not all the new technical things like computers, I phones, I pads, things they had to ask the manufacturers  to send someone to teach the elves how to do.  They were too busy to send

anyone but sent as much merchandise as they could.  They figured that most of the children would break the things they got and the parents would have to buy another one.  It would help the after Christmas sales.  Santa  had been grateful that the manufacturers cooperated.  He wasn't sure that he and the elves could manage without their help.

When he started to go to bed, Merry had put a note on the door.  It read, "You better sleep in the guest bedroom.  I was so mad, I forgot to get my flu shot, too."

Santa whispered through the door, "Good night, Merry.  See you in the morning."  Her only answer was a soft snore

When they got up on Christmas Eve, Merry smiled at Santa when he sneezed.   Feeling his head she stated, flatly, "Flu!"

Santa had to agree with her.  He felt terrible but there was nothing to do but to pack up the sleigh and get ready for the trip.

Merry patted him gently on the back.  "I know, dear.  You have to go.  Please be careful.  Let the elves do most of the packing and they can get the reindeer ready to go."

Santa agreed as he adjusted the mask he had slept in all night.  "I think I'll take Eboneezer with me.  It's time I trained someone and he's the smartest."

"Good idea," she exclaimed.  "You rest as much as you can today,"

Most of the day went fairly well.  The elves had done their job for so many years that they didn't need much direction.  Some of the reindeer still complained about Rudolph being the lead when it didn't look like there would be any fog, but Santa was not in the best mood so he said that Rudolph would always be the lead and that was that.  There was still some grumbling but it didn't last long.

Eboneezer was put in the middle of the all the bags and told which ones to hand to Santa for the first five stops.  He memorized them and did well with his assignment except that after the first stop, Santa had to sneeze into his mask.  As he did, he pulled slightly on the reins and the reindeer turned left and Santa had to have the elf memorize new bag numbers.

When they got to Billy What'shisname's house, Santa took the elf down the chimney with him and didn't tell him how to avoid all the soot, so Ebenezer got dirty.

Santa warned him about Billy's bad habit, but Ebenezeer looked at the plate anyway.  "Santa, this isn't a cookie?" He picked it up and took a bite.  "It's a brownie and there's a note.  It says that Billie's Mother is sorry for Billie's cookies dipped in vi.negar and from now on, there would be Brownies and Hot Chocolate."  The elf had devoured both as he talked.

Santa sighed.  "You could have saved me a bite and a swallow."

"Sorry, Santa," the elf apologized as he wiped his mouth on a dirty sleeve.

 Santa tried to brush him off but when they got back to the sleigh, the elf got a lot of dirt on the bags and toys that he lifted out, so they had to be sure that every toy was clean before it went into a stocking.

The whole night could have gone better, but Santa and Ebenezeer had delivered all the gifts, some with a little soot on them.  He had not quite exhausted his supply of  surgical masks when the reindeer landed at the North Pole just as dawn broke.

Merry came from the house to greet him.  "How are you, dear?  How did everything go?"  She asked as she felt his head.

 "Not too bad," he answered.  "but Ebenezeer will need a lot more training.  At least, the gifts are in the right place, I hope.  We had to go back an exchange a few, but all in all….. Merry Christmas," he told her as he kissed her on the forehead.  "It's good to be home."

She smiled at him.  "I went to the Doctor today," she told him.

"Did you go back to tell him I didn't get my flu shot?" He queried.?'

"Not that doctor," she giggled.

"Oh…OH…" he stammered.

"Right," she said, "We will be adding another elf to the group, at least until he gets big enough to take over for you and, if it's a girl, maybe it t will be time for a woman to take over your job."












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